WARNING: Pls don't read if you don't want to laugh.
Change of environment can truly mean change of lifestyle. For instance, in my villa(ge) we go into the bush to answer the call of nature. You understand what I mean, don't pretend. Ok, let's assume you don't. No arguments. Continue. There are three delapidated mud blocks designed for that purpose. We call them Elechi (named after our old governor).
The process is simple. When going for this mission, you need to arm yourself with sufficient papers while you sing 'Guide me O, thou great Jehovah Pilgrim...' If you are a teacher, you are lucky because you can always organise fake assignments and tests for your students to gather enough papers (Don't laugh o, it's a way of life here. In fact, how are you sure city teachers dont do the same. Do they return your test scripts? I wonder o)
Yes, as I was saying, then you empty your bowel on a spreadsheet of paper, large enough to contain your downloads, as you stoop low, really low to conquer. When you are done, you turn around and appreciate the size, strength and smell of your by-product while you also helplessly watch some hungry flies buzz around like state inspectors sent to investigate the quality of your nutrition (They are choosy o, they wont eat bad shit).
Then you fold it up and gently toss it over the window as you sing 'I am delivered, praise the Lord...' To clean up yourself, you tear another sheets of paper and rub several of it on the 'affected area' till you are sure you can safely go back to human land without constituting a pollution nuisance.
The best time to do this business is in the evening when its dark. You don't have to enter 'Elechi'. You can simply crouch and couch in the open bush and 'do it' there. The cool breeze that mingles with fresh flowery breathe at this somnolent time of the day can lull you into forgeting your miseries. It eases your mind. It penetrates and infilterates your compartments and departments. Under its overwhelming influence you may sing, 'When peace like a river attendent my way...It is well, it is well with my soul' But it can also be very dangerous. Sometimes, while secreting those hateful matters, you could be hunted by the fear of a gliding reptile. Your instinct stands on end to warn that you might be dead before anyone knows anything. The eerie and cricket noise heighten your fear of the unknown. And as if to lend credence to your creepy thought, you begin to feel certain movements behind you. I'm sure you don't need anybody to tell you to stand up and run, do you?
Fola, i never knew ur fingers are so bless. More grace my brother.
ReplyDelete